And yet… [[a thought]]

Little Memories [[a poem]]

The poem reads:

Moved on from the big things they say matter,
All I have left are the little memories, oh so fragile.

[[Oh! how I’ve missed writing my poems! I haven’t had the time lately do I’ve just been typing them out, sometimes feeling like they’re just cold, computerized words instead of warm, human things that need to be said in a more human way…]]

For A Few Days [[a poem]]

Fourth of July & Apologies: Accepting Them, Belief, and Forgiveness

Happy Fourth of July!!
Or early Fourth, not that it matters, I have no plans (ugh), I figured I’d put this up for ya to enjoy now, since I’m sure most of the people currently reading this have more important things to do tomorrow.
Either way, my fellow Americans know exactly what I mean: hot dogs. Hamburgers. Cookouts. BBQ grills. The scent of charcoal (which is what I’d rather have than gas/propane, thank you very much because my uncle used to be the expert at grilling (the man knew meat), and actually my Godfather does a pretty awesome job at it too, even though we haven’t been over in Lord-knows how long *sigh* what a shame.). Also, baked beans. Potato salad. Annoying relatives that drive you insane. Cream corn casseroles. Paper plates, plastic bowls and utensils. Cousins you’d never trade. Fireworks. Lakeside sunsets. Heat…ugh the heat; and humidity if you live in the South (humidity makes it a million times worse!!). Did I mention the sunburns, flies during the day, and mosquitos at evening? (Btw iOS users, I don’t know the name of the app, but there is an app that does fireworks & is free which doesn’t require an Internet hook-up, thanks to the handiness of my younger sister; she found it and we checked it out; I vote that over mosquito bites and going deaf. )

Anyways, I haven’t posted for a few days, seeming as I’ve had quite a few developments over the past few days. Some good. Some bad. Some I really have to weigh out.

And seeming as I didn’t have plans for the Fourth, and my best friend’s birthday falls one day then the next, I was invited to her house for what I know would’ve been an amazing party. Her parents are great, I would’ve met her new puppy (an adorable chihuahua mix with these adorable dresses my bff got her from a pet store by Walmart (okay, so Walmart apparently did something right for once)).
I don’t even have to think about it to be depressed. Just knowing it is bad enough. Torture, actually.
There is literally no reasonwhy I shouldn’t be allowed to go.
But apparently the reason I can’t go, was caused by me months ago.
I just didn’t even go there.
I didn’t feel like arguing the point that it hasn’t stopped me from going places form here to Kingdom-come in the months since February.
This is July.
I wish I could say “get a grip; I’m standing upright and walking by myself, granted I don’t feel physically *amazing, not that I ever really did lol.
Whatever.
My friend is a GENUIS. Tuesday she had called with that and an…offer to help me get ok my feet (which a lot of people would be happy for me to do, they want me to…but I’m being…delayed. Purposely. I’m convinced of that now. Many people have said this. I agree after a long and thoughtful period of careful meditation on the matter.

Also, this is the season for Cancer (include me!!) so if I ever seem moody, then you know why, deal with it. Lol I’m just kidding…sort of…? Whatever. ;P

Back to July 4; I was once told by a Brit, that “Fourth of July” is the proper and correct way of saying July 4th.
So apparently every single American is wrong every day, except our beloved Independence Day, that celebrates our 238th year of freedom from the Redcoats.
…And yet, like them, we call it the Fourth of July? Yea, freedom alright. *eyeroll* I say, at least I don’t stick random u’s in whatever word I feel like. Idiots… (Just kidding, no offense to any Brits reading. All in good fun, right? *nervous laugh*😅

Oh hey wow! I smell someone making coffee! Woo!
Seriously though, I’m on a coffee detox because lately I’ve been really agitated and getting shaky cause I’m getting addicted again; darn shame cause I love the stuff (It’s expensive but Starbucks and Seattle’s Best is sooo worth it. I could drink those two black if I had to. Don’t even need a sugar it honey in them. All others? Yea I’ll take extra creamer and sugar, unless it’s really super crappy then it’s unfixabke). Wish I had decaf; I’d drink the stuff all day!! Woo!
Ya, and about the detox part? No. It’s not going well. ):

Sorry for that serious digression (I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned I do that, and if I haven’t then here: I Go off track. Sorry. I’ll get back to the real subject…eventually. Haha), it happens.
Anyways, I only noticed this last month in June…and I’m starting to think maybe you (yes you, the You who’s reading this very post) just noticed that when I mentioned it.
Okay, so maybe some of us *cough* Americans *cough* are a tad slow at noticing these things.
Also, a quick fact I learned recently: the U.S. is one of 5 countries who still use Fahrenheit as a measure of temperature.
I saw that and was suddenly embarrassed.
It’s one of those “only in America” moments that are happening more and more often.
Quite sad. *sigh*

Anyways…♪♪♪

Oh, one more point I’d like to get across before I give ya a poem or two and spilt: accepting apologies, belief, and forgiveness.
This is a big deal, people; major.
Life lesson major, in fact.

Apologies:: if the situation strictly requires, or may help you, say the specific words, “I am sorry.”
Even if you have a rule of not ever uttering those words, SAY IT. A lot of people say it and don’t care, but you cannot believe how annoying it is to find a person who won’t.
I know a person like that.
He’s stubborn. And no, I don’t forgive him. Nope. Still don’t. I said I accepted the apology; that’s it.
I even pointed that out to him. I specifically said, “if you didn’t notice, I never actually forgave you the last time, and I don’t now. And I don’t believe you. So I won’t forgive you.” I said it (okay, I typed it, but that’s beside the point).
Thus, acceptance of an apology does not imply forgiveness or belief.
End of that story.

Belief:
Not as easy as some people think.
Not as easy as youwould think.
Most times I automatically can point out who I can and cannot believe.
Having to learnit, is a tough deal.
I learned this with the apology I was offered.
I don’t believe him.
When the same reasonis given one two many times, it becomes an excuse.
Especially if you really don’t know a person. That’s when you should remember that that is when trust is being built, especially if they tell you everything and you tell nothing.
Regardless of whether or not there are trust issues, even if trust issues are claimed, “reasons” mean nothing.
Until you’ve been friends and talked your hearts out, until the friendship is built to loving each other, reasons are excuses, and we all know excuses are pathetic.
(Quite frankly, I was more inclined to believe his snake ate the phone before the broke/borrowed wifi thing). *skeptical look*

Forgiveness:
It’s like poetry and love; not for the faint of heart.
I’ve said most of what I wanted to cover in Apologies and Belief, but I’ll add a couple side notes.
Don’t do it if you think the problems gonna happen again.
Especially don’t do it if you know it’ll happen again.
Never fully believe those you can only accept apologies from, so it goes without saying (though I’ll say it anyways), never forgive those you don’t forgive.

There y’all have it. Fourth of July (which leads right back to the British), apology acceptance, belief and forgiveness.
Now, a poem that has a lovely patriotic background (I managed to throw that together (aww! gee, thanks for the compliment, no prob at all! )) that I actually had written for Memorial back in May (woo! It’s a blog Throwback Thursday!! (cause its Thursday, duh)) that was actually a part of a word challenge from Instagram. I personally, am not a huge patriot, though these holidays have a significant meaning to me because I had family who served in WW2 (all the way there and back, wounds and trauma quite evident) and an uncle in Vietnam (though never deployed).

P.S. It’s signed “@words_with_feeling” because that was my old username for Ig. So…yeaaaa…

In Recent News…

Right now, there is a pretty evil thunderstorm going on.
It’s raining quite hard and there is some bad lightning happening.
Yesterday was super frustrating, between having a bad day personally because I was highly irritable and agitated, family and feeling played by someone who calls themselves a friend.
I don’t know who I should or shouldn’t believe anymore, granted I do know very few who I know won’t hurt me.
Can my faith in him be restored? Only time will tell. I don’t want to seem like a not nice person (I’m trying to not say off-color things on here). I’m just hurt.
They say only you can give someone permission to hurt you…I should’ve watched myself better. My own fault I guess. I’m talking to him (sort of) but it doesn’t mean forgiveness; just means I want answers…we all want answers don’t we? That’s what I’m looking for.

*Sigh* Im not quite sure what else to say…hmm…

Anyways, here’s a little something I had posted recently on my Instagram:

My July Words Challenge on Instagram

On Instagram, where I work off of mainly, there are usually writing challenges for each month.
Someone can claim a months and others can make their own challenges as well.
I figured I wanted to do one, especially since I’m reaching a pretty good sized audience at this point in time (which is amazing really because I just joined back in late April; this humbles me for sure.).
What one does is make a list of words (you can throw in a couple of phrases) and each day you are to write a poem of some sort pertaining to that word assigned to that day. Sometimes there’s specific rules, but I haven’t come across one that’s really strict about it.
Also, no one has to do every single word. I do that because it keeps my creativeness flowing and makes me write something without having to think about it too hard.
And since I don’t see why there should be rules, all I wanted people to do was use the hashtags #JulyWords and tag me at @words.of.a.brunette in a comment, which is what one does for these word challenges anyways. That, and I told them any tense/form of the word is acceptable to use, and to just have fun with it. (Like I said, I’m not a real stickler for serious rules.)

Here is the list for my July Words Challenge in which you may participate in on Instagram, even though now that I think about it, if you want to participate here, leave your poems in the comments section on this post and I’ll take a look at all of those. 🙂

Gut Feelings, aka Intuition

So, about my gut feelings: I get a lot of them.
I can look at some people for 10 seconds and deem whether they’re a good and nice person or not.
This had happened many times, but I said to myself, “No; wait. Get to know them because you might be wrong.”
Everytime I’ve gotten to know someone who I sensed was trouble, they all have turned out to be trouble.
Thus, the acutely attuned intuition I inherited from my mother and grandmother has been right every. Single. Time.
Good for me, because I know who not to get close to, even though I have gotten the ‘bad person alert’ gut feeling mixed with simple butterflies of nervousness, which had happened exactly one time with some neighbors who are wonderful people and I love them dearly…just don’t talk religion with them. -_-
That, and I can also sense trouble coming; a lot if times I have have gut feelings of bad things happening, then that situation passes and seems okay; well, it’s not. What that means is that the bad part is coming, and it’s coming quick.
I figured I’d learn thus after the first 5 times, but I still haven’t paid close enough attention to it.
I look back and I see all those situations and I want to facepalm myself because it was so obvious, but it obviously wasn’t obvious enough for me. (A lot of the time subtle hits fly straight over my head and I hear none of what is being said between the lines, but that’s a-whole-nother subject to go into 😜)